Ever since the Super Mario Bros. movie trailer was thrust upon us mere hours ago, the internet has been swamped with dreaded discourse — Where is Chris Pratt’s Italian accent? When will we see more Luigi? What did Waluigi ever do to Nintendo for the company to repeatedly shaft him like this?
Recommended VideosAll those questions and more are to be expected, but one take is appearing alarmingly often online: people are thirsting for Jack Black’s Bowser. Time to log off.
That’s right — the King of the Koopas, in all his horned, fire-breathing glory, is the object of affection, and lust, across all corners of the internet, genuinely reminding us that nothing is ever sacred.
I just know that this Bowser f*cks https://t.co/WnwdEHIIt7
— Bosco (@hereisbosco) October 6, 2022I mean sure, but did we have to say it?
bowser can kidnap these princess peaches.
— Thrillmas Screamders (@ThomasSanders) October 7, 2022Was Anya-Taylor Joy’s Princess Peach not shown in the trailer because the material was simply too explicit for Comic-Con audiences?
Friend: Do you think you should tone down the Bowser thirst on your TL?
Me: pic.twitter.com/wKea2Iamhw
— Scott FEARichs 🏳️🌈 (@KaiserNeko) October 6, 2022I’m Friend in this scenario.
id let bowser fuck me tbh
— Arin Hanson, City Smasher (@egoraptor) October 6, 2022It’s called the Mushroom Kingdom, not the Smashroom Kingdom.
the most important thing is they made bowser sexy so they can apply jack black's voice to a sexy bowser and cause a rift in the universe pic.twitter.com/96tzF2Qcqx
— Ryan (COMMISSIONS OPEN) (@RyanRibbity) October 6, 2022Is there a word for finding overgrown, hairy, spiky turtles sexually attractive?
bowser is so sexy like in the way where he's a giant monster so gender doesn't register to me
— the world's first lesbian kaworu (@voxybunch) October 6, 2022Well, when you put it like that…
Since the trailer’s debut at New York Comic Con earlier this week, fans have been tearing apart every detail of the trailer – with plenty just excited to see Jack Black take on the villainous role.
Alongside Black, the film also stars Chris Pratt as Mario (infamously at this point), Charlie Day as Luigi, Keegan-Michael Key as Toad, and Anya-Taylor Joy as Princess Peach.
The trailer has also brought back traumatic memories of Penguicide from the days of Super Mario 64 that we didn’t know we had, as well as rebirthing the Morbius meme which will apparently never, never die.
For better or for worse, The Super Mario Bros. Movie bounces into theaters April 7 next year.
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